Bravery
by UnluckyAmulet
Summary: Raven visits Terra's grave and reflects on her relationship with Terra. Pre Things Change.


Hey readers! Just to say I do not own Teen Titans and that this is my second Titan oneshot. Rated T for angst and a bit of violence. Plus I usually rate everything 'T'.

Enjoy!

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Footsteps echoed gently in the small cave. The rustle of fabric signified somebody approaching a large stone statue.

Raven was used to darkness. They both were. She had slept in caves for a very long time, and she had slept in the darkness by choice.

But then, that was another thing that was different about them. Raven liked the dark. Terra did not.

The lavender-haired teenager didn't like to come to the grave with other people. Their emotions choked her, made her feel strange and anxious. She felt their grief like a heavy coat draped over her. Naturally, she didn't mention this to her friends, her fellow Titans. It would upset Starfire that her emotions were 'burdening' Raven, and Cyborg and Beast Boy would be equally concerned, in their clumsy, adolescent way and Robin would probably insist that she not go to the grave at all.

And even though there was a small part of Raven, a part of her that was spiteful and cold, that did not like the Titans feeling loss over Terra at all, she wanted to come to the grave. Terra's statue made the cave seem like a tomb.

Raven sighed. She knew why she came alone to this place, which seemed shrouded in sadness, almost as though the collective grief of the titans had become infused with the place. Because, no matter how bitter the lavender-haired teen felt, no matter how angry she was at Terra's betrayal, and no matter how much she had tried to deny it in the past; Terra had been a Teen Titan.

And she had died.

The others insisted that Terra wasn't dead, and that somehow they could reverse the effects, but Raven, who had been putting on an uncharacteristic optimistic face whenever Terra happened to crop up in the conversation, knew that even if by some miracle the Titans managed to help Terra, the girl they had known was gone forever, and no amount of wishful thinking could change that.

She suspected, deep down, that the others knew this too. Even if they didn't want to admit it, which was understandable, given everything that had happened between them and Terra. Particularly in Beast Boy's case.

But Raven didn't dare voice this unsavoury thought to the others. Because she knew that it would do no good. The pain of losing Terra would still leave the Titans feeling empty and hurt.

She knew that better than anyone.

Somebody more cynical then Raven, or somebody who did not know the Titans and Terra as well as she did, would have left it at the conclusion that seeking for a cure was simply the Titan's way of comforting or distracting themselves from the loss, but Raven knew it wasn't simply wasn't a futile way of giving themselves means of comfort.

Raven knew that the Titans truly believed they could save Terra. They were not the type of people to just give up because a situation appeared bleak. And, thinking about it, why not? They had done the impossible before, and saving a single person would surely seem like an easy feat compared to, say, stopping a criminal mastermind or saving the world.

But it wasn't.

Raven looked up at the statue. In her arms, she held two items. One of them was a bouquet, the cellophane wrapper crackling with the slightest movement as Raven approached the frozen figure of Terra. Distantly, Raven thought that she could hear running water.

She had not brought roses. Roses were the flowers of love. Beast boy bought them every time Terra's grave was visited, huge bouquets of roses, beautiful in both size and colour. Raven and Starfire had loved Terra, but as a friend and nothing more.

Raven brought lilies. The smell of them filled the silent cave, sweet and tangy. The wrappers crackled as Raven shifted slightly as she stopped.

"_For someone special?" the lady at the flower-shop had asked Raven casually as the flowers were being wrapped by a tall guy in glasses in the back room._

"You could say that." Raven replied, trying not to smile.

"Well, here you go, Terra." Raven muttered, crouching down on her haunches and setting the lilies very gently at the base of the statue, before the plaque at the base. "I know you liked red, but I didn't think you'd mind."

She settled down into a more comfortable sitting position, using her cloak to shield her pale legs from the cold stone ground, and she looked at the second item in her hands.

Terra's goggles.

Not the first pair, though. They had got lost in the mines a while ago, and Raven had no intention nor desire to go searching through a collapsed old diamond mine for a pair of cheap pair of goggles.

But she had crept into the old storage room, and taken the second pair. Nobody had noticed their absence, thankfully, as that might have led to questions Raven couldn't answer.

Raven toyed with the goggles, the blue lenses clicking softly as she flexed her hand, the black elastic coiled around her fingers. She looked up at the statue, her eyes roving over Terra's impassive stone face.

It was becoming difficult to remember little details about Terra, for all of them. Little quirks, particular details of her appearance where blurring in their memories, fading into nothing.

Raven absent-mindedly tucked a strand of her lavender hair behind her ear, then suddenly started as the memory came flooding back to her, as sudden as being struck.

Terra used to do that.

Raven remembered, that night, when she struggled for air as Terra's smirking face loomed above her, the mud closing in around Raven's body. Choking her. Drowning her.

And when Terra tucked her hair behind her ear, telling the others to leave before they were hurt.

"I called you a coward." the grey-skimmed female muttered, tracing the letters at the base of Terra's statue, her gravelly voice cracking slightly. "But... I was wrong."

And indeed, she was.  
It had taken Raven a long time to think that over. But it was true.

Because, what else could it be called? Because Terra's sacrifice...had truly been something more than just courage. Now, Raven knew exactly how brave she was, because no more than a month ago, she had been forced to do the same thing.

Raven attempted to block the memories of her friends faces all looking up at her as she ascended those stone steps, but she couldn't. Robin looking grim, Starfire and Beast Boy looking desperate and Cyborg looking pained. But Raven had had her whole life to prepare for that moment. Terra had about five seconds, at best. Raven could not imagine how the weight of that sudden decision had bore down on Terra, the sudden realisation that giving up her life was the only option.

"You didn't even have a chance to say goodbye..." the teenager sighed, and she lowered her head slightly.

She knew exactly how that felt, too.

When Robin had found her, in her childlike state, all Raven had wanted to do was run away from him. To hide. Anger and shame welled up inside her at that moment. Anger, because she had tried to protect her friends from it all, protect them from her, and she had failed to do that.  
And shame because she knew exactly what he wanted; Robin thought something still could be done. Shame because she did not want to look at those hopeful faces. She was ashamed of her cowardice. How she had not even tried to stop her father, even though she knew she couldn't, she hadn't tried either.

Never give up hope. That was what Robin had said. And Raven discovered that this was true.

Raven did not try to stop the two tears that gathered underneath her closed eyes, and did not try to wipe them away as they slid slowly down her cheeks and fell onto the lenses of the goggles she held, the liquid shining on the surface.

Just because she had come to the cave alone did not mean Raven was ashamed to cry for Terra.

Coming to the cave meant that she wanted to be alone with her.

"I know that I shouldn't have trusted you," the cloaked girl said, her tone not matching the expression on her face. But then it softened slightly as she added, "But I don't regret it."

Every word Raven said was true. After all, who was around for her to lie to? Terra couldn't hear her, she knew that. But it still made her sad to think that Terra would most likely never hear anything again.

Then the girl spotted something resting by the base of the statue, and picked it up.

It was a photo. It wasn't in an extravagant frame, just a simple white one, though the glass covering it was slightly cracked.

The picture was one the titans had taken with Terra one day after a day at the park. It wasn't a particularly good photo; The edges were blurred and the six teenagers were squashed together in the photo-booth. All of them had silly grins plastered onto their faces, even Robin did.

They all looked on the brink of laughter, as if sharing some private joke. Terra was in the front of the picture, Beast Boy's arm around her shoulder and flashing a peace sign with the other hand. Raven was on Terra's other side, leaning slightly sideways as though she had been pulled into the picture at the last second, looking exasperated, bemused and happy all at once. Cyborg stood behind Beast boy, two metal fingers forming bunny-ears over the changeling's head. Starfire hovered behind Raven, her hand caught in mid-wave, scarlet hair floating behind her. Robin stood between Cyborg and Starfire, looking a little flustered but happy all the same.

It meant more than any professional photo could.

Raven studied the picture, her finger gently tracing over the slight, shallow crack. Her eyes hardened suddenly at the sight of Beast Boy's arm over Terra's shoulder.

Why did they always assume Terra's had been Beast Boy's alone? Like she _belonged_ to him.

She knew she sounded jealous when she thought that, but it was true as well. Raven did not doubt that both Terra's betrayal and death had hit him hardest, and that Beast Boy had even fallen in love with Terra.

But that didn't mean that the others did not grieve too. It didn't mean that they did not feel bitter and sad when they gazed up at the girl frozen in stone.

Raven even had thought once or twice alone, whilst in her room that maybe she missed Terra the most. Because while she had been angry for a long time at Terra, and while they had been rivals of sorts, Raven missed her most.

Because Raven knew that she could never say sorry.

Her fist clenched in frustration. How can you be sorry when you know the person you want to apologise too doesn't deserve it?

But the reason why she wanted to apologise to Terra was not at her mistrust, or her anger toward Terra or even her cold attitude towards her.  
Raven wanted to apologise because she had made Terra think Raven hated her.

"I could never hate you." the lavender-haired teenager told the picture. "Because really...we're the same. And even if you ran away from us to Slade, even if you tried to hurt us...you were my friend."

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Well, hope you liked it! I'd also just like to mention as a footnote that Lilies (and Irises) "are used in burials as a symbol referring to "resurrection/life". It is also associated with stars (sun) and its petals blooming/shining."

Just thought that fit in pretty well. Review are good.


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